Frank Off The Radio: The Frank Skinner Podcast

00:00 It's Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio. 00:07 It's the Frank Skinner podcast, don't you know? 00:10 Generals gather in their masses, just like witches at black masses. It's always troubling me that they rhyme masses with masses. Come on, guys. I don't know what to say. Pull your finger out. What? 00:28 It's from a song called War Pigs. 00:31 This is Frank off the radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Ruth Hosko. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via frankofftheradio at avalonuk.com. What's up? 00:45 Just download the podcast, away we go. So WhatsApp Frank and Lovely F and whichever guest is there with them. It's 0745-741-7769. That's 0745-741-7769. It'll take up just a minute of your... 01:14 I would sing along with that if I had any idea what the WhatsApp number was. 01:19 No, you don't know. 01:20 I mean, how many jingles have I heard? I couldn't tell you one number from it and there wouldn't be a guess. 01:26 To be fair, you struggle to find your own house sometimes. 01:28 That is true. That is true. 01:31 Directions aren't as strong. 01:32 Did you know that? Well, I empathise because I have got terrible sense of direction. 01:37 Do you think it's a black country thing? 01:39 Maybe. I still have to go like that. 01:40 Because everything's covered in soots. 01:43 It's hard to distinguish one thing from another. 01:46 Yeah, it's hard to see. I still go like that to know that that's my left hand. 01:49 You can't say like that on a podcast. 01:51 Well, it might be clips away, do you know? 01:54 Well, I hate the clips. I wish they didn't exist. For me, this is an audio media. 02:02 Okay, for the readers, I put my left hand and your thumb and forefinger make an L and that's how I know I've got my left hand there. 02:12 It's a good system. 02:15 Can I say to any listeners who don't have a left hand that we apologise for that insensitive use of direction? 02:22 Frank, you don't need to do that. It's so over the top. Come on. 02:25 You wouldn't say that if you didn't have a left hand. That's all I'm saying. 02:29 But anyway, here we are. Well, I found my way back at 4.30 in the morning. 02:37 Oh, from David Hill. Did you watch it at David's? 02:39 Well, yeah. 02:40 So what happened was... We should say we're talking about the England game, obviously. 02:43 Yeah, so I was at home. 02:46 We watched Superstore as a family. So then Kath went to bed. This is like one of these in Agatha Christie when they slowly disappear. 02:57 I think I know who the murderer is, Kath. 02:59 Me and Boz watched an episode of Doctor Who called Smile and then Boz went to bed. So then it was just me. I had a text from Dave said, oh, shit, now it's two o'clock. Because they put the kickoff back, and I thought, I've got to have an extra hour. 03:14 Yeah. What did you do with your hour? 03:16 So I watched as much ponditry as I could stomach. I watched Brazil, Norway, and then all the ponditry at the end. I don't normally watch post, unless there's a big incident. 03:25 And then randomly Pointless as well, an episode of Pointless. 03:28 Oh, yeah, I didn't watch that. I watched Simon Armitage's one-hour documentary about King Arthur. It was preparation. 03:35 I thought that'd be good preparation for an England game. LAUGHTER 03:41 So I watched that and then I made my way up to Dave's house. And what I was, my intention was, I thought this is perfect, the extra hour, because England had played Australia in the T20 World Cup final, which are the women's. And I'd avoided the score all day and I thought, I can just sit and watch the highlights. So I went to the highlights package on iPlayer. The title of the highlights package for the Women's World Cup final was Australia Thrash is England. 04:13 I thought, well, that's, you'll call the highlights package that. 04:18 Spoiler alert. 04:19 So I didn't even, I didn't want to watch that. 04:22 Well, Frank, that was why a lot of people were saying, oh, why don't you just wait till 7, 10 a.m.? You know, they were streaming it a lot for kids and things like that. 04:30 And I just thought, I can't. 04:32 Oh, no. 04:32 One can't nowadays. 04:33 No, that wasn't even a consideration. 04:34 I had to push on through. 04:36 So I said to Dave, can I come at 1.30? I know it's a bit earlier than I normally do, but I'm getting a bit bored. How old are you? I don't want to start something. I can't. So I walked up the road. Man, it was so... 04:53 Not a car thief was stirring on our road. It was so quiet. 1.30. 04:58 But weren't the lights on and people watching it? 05:00 I wasn't aware of the lights on. Not in Hampstead. No, not in Hampstead. They might have watched Simon Armitage on King Arthur. I watched that on record. 05:09 So anyway, I got there and as soon as I got into the house, my feet first of all got itchy and then they started burning and then they swole up to twice their normal size. 05:23 Is this his cat's? 05:25 Well, I think it must have been his case. Usually when I arrive at Dave's to watch a match, he gives me an antihistamine. I always say, did you send for an exorcist? I always say that on the doorstep. 05:38 Sometimes I say, did you get this from the Guardian? Because he's got a doormat with three stars on it. 05:45 Oh, right. And I'm happy to just say the same things over and over. But then he gives me an antihistamine because he's got several cats, none of which I'm counting because they move about. 05:58 So I got settled down. Then my feet swole up. I took my antihistamine. And then Ezra, his son, came down in a dressing gown. 06:06 Oh, very Hugh Hefner. 06:07 I've never watched a match with anyone wearing a dressing gown before. 06:11 Do you not do PJs for the match? 06:13 No, no, no. So me and Dave are fully clothed, but he's in like a long, elegant dress. It was like a Mia cat advert. 06:27 Frank, you're right. The meerkat has changed the dressing gown forever. Yeah. 06:31 But Ezra's very like, he's got long hair and a beard. He's very sort of elegant looking. He is. When he moved about the house, you know, it was, it was, I was comparing the market. 06:41 Can I ask a question, Frank? What did you eat? Because I got, I decided, I didn't know what to eat because I was hungry, but I'd already eaten. So at 3.10am, I went down to have an ice lolly. 06:53 Oh. 06:53 Why did I do that? That's perfect, though. Yeah, it was just what I needed. Did you eat food? 06:58 Wasn't the game on at 3.10? 07:00 Yeah, the game finished. In the middle of the game, I was watching it upstairs in bed. I had to go downstairs to the fridge and get an ice lolly. 07:08 And I ate it in bed watching it. 07:11 What I did in order to fill the time when I was waiting for the kickoff time, I didn't want to arrive at Dave's an hour early. That's too much. And so I thought I'll clean my teeth now and get that out. If I clean my teeth downstairs before I go to bed, when I get up, I feel that's such a treat. I don't have to clean my teeth. I feel like I've won the lottery. LAUGHTER So I couldn't really eat anything after that. 07:41 I always think tea's all right because I don't have sugar in it. 07:43 Here's an idea. You could clean your teeth again. 07:46 That's mad. I don't want to wear them out. 07:50 I can't. 07:51 So anyway, I just pulled the hair out of my nose, which I don't think was growing. 07:55 I saw you do it. It made me ill. 07:56 It seemed to be launched. 07:57 Stop doing it. Stop it. Do it afterwards. 08:01 Well, it's longer. It's longer than my own head hair. 08:04 You can't pull out nostril hair anymore. 08:07 So, yeah, so I arrived and I said, here's my prediction. This will be the easiest game we've had in this World Cup, which I think was probably incorrect. 08:17 Yes, I would say so. 08:18 But anyway, it was brilliant. It was so brilliant. It was so exciting. It was a truly great game anyway. I think it meant we had the door open so that the night was next. We watched it with the night. 08:33 That's nice for the neighbours. 08:35 Yeah, and it was really, yeah, fuck the neighbours. So welcome. 08:40 Do you know, I felt angry at people that went up, which is very unreasonable. I don't mind small kids, but I just think, come on, you've got to make an effort. 08:48 But I'm glad it was at two o'clock in the morning. It made it even more exciting. It reminded me when my dad used to get me up in the middle of the night to listen to Muhammad Ali on the radio. It was like that. It was really fantastic. And at the end of it, we all hugged each other. And Dave does this thing that he does at the end of England Games. It's funny to really just notice. He says, anyway, well done, Frank. Well done, Ace. 09:16 And as I walked back, I thought, we haven't really done it. We just watched other people do it. But he says it with great sincerity. Well done, Frank. And it gives me a hug. 09:26 I didn't know that. 09:27 Well done. As if I played. As if me and her. 09:31 As if you're Declan Rice or something. Maybe it's like the collective support. Yes, I agree. A group of people's energy combines. 09:38 I know, but well done. 09:40 I think that's really sweet. 09:42 I like it. 09:43 I think it's a bit weird. I won't lie. 09:45 I did feel like I'd played. 09:46 Have you ever asked him why he says that? 09:48 I never really registered it until... Something to do with the early hours when there's nothing else happening in the world. I know there's stuff happening in the world, but, you know, the world. And as I walked back, as I walked back, I could see there's a pub at the bottom of my road and I could see a little bit of activity, but basically it was still the world was silent. And then in the distance I heard... 10:13 Like a car going back. The first car horn of the night. 10:20 I loved it. Oh, what about Harry Kane's voice? 10:23 Oh, it's a shame. 10:24 I know, but it was even worse after he had a sore throat. 10:30 Oh, poor Harry. Wayne Rooney said afterwards, he goes, do you know that's the best interview he's ever done? That's throwing shade, isn't it? Yeah, that's a bit mean, I thought. 10:39 Our dog didn't like that interview. 10:42 Way too high. To be honest, I didn't see that till the next day. Oh, did you not? I'll be brutal. I left Dave's before Wonderwall. Yeah. 10:51 I thought, I'm not. 10:53 Oh, fine. I'm not watching that. And it was getting, it was literally getting light when I left the house. I could hear birdsong. 11:03 I felt that was like the 90s all over again for me. Yeah. 11:06 Yeah, exactly. Yeah, except I didn't have to have a shower as soon as I got in. 11:10 Oh, Frank, why do you have to ruin things? Sorry, everyone. 11:13 Can we do that again, Paul? 11:16 I hate the way you make things sleazy. Can I just say there's no one called Paul working on this podcast? No. But it was truly... 11:25 I said today... 11:26 Your boy did well as well, you two, didn't he? He's doing so well. He must be so proud. 11:31 It's a moment of him. And I'm seeing loads of clips of him and what a decent young gentleman he is. 11:36 He's making it hard for the rest. Do you think the others are getting a bit annoyed? 11:39 But it's the accent, really. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. I feel so proud when he talks. Speaks all the languages as well. 11:46 Made the effort. Couldn't believe it. 11:49 Spanish. Yeah. No, it was lovely. 11:53 And... 11:55 What were you going to say? Do you have any views about Donald Trump, by the way? 12:00 What did you think about the card thing? 12:02 I thought it was... What I loved about it is when it comes to a lack of awareness... LAUGHTER And that means that he doesn't play in the next game. 12:14 Well, that's not fair. 12:15 I said, what, you're banning him from a game that hasn't happened? That's very bad, very bad rule. And then they said, yeah, that's a good, we didn't think of that before in the company of someone who can get us into serious trouble with ice. 12:32 So it was just like, I don't know anything about football, but I don't like that rule. So I phoned Johnny, as he called him from FIFA. 12:40 Oh, Infantino. Yeah. 12:43 And he changed it. I mean, it was absolutely outrageous, but sort of hilarious because he doesn't know any better. 12:51 Do you think they should change the rule then for us? That Kwanzaa shouldn't be, he should be allowed to play then? 12:57 But I think with Trump... 13:01 You know the bloke who had Tourette's at the BAFTAs? Yeah. But, you know, he can't help. He can't help. I'm kind of starting to feel that about Trump. I think Trump, he just doesn't know. But the best thing about the interview, when he talked about it, was there was three of his people around them. 13:21 Like, talk about, like, zombies. It was a zombie woman and two zombie blocks. The eyes completely gone behind the eyes. And these rictus grins that sometimes come with rigor mortis standing around him. Oh, my God. It was like the zombie king. 13:39 You won't get that round here, mate. 13:41 Oh, man. 13:44 Yeah, and I said, look, I was a great sportsman at college. I understand sports, and I told them, you know, two guys just run into each other. 13:54 It does annoy me how funny he is. 13:56 Oh, no, it's a shame. 13:58 He's brilliant. 13:59 He is fantastic. 14:11 Well, we've had some people get in touch with us, Frank. 797 wants to know, because a lot of people have been reacting to you acknowledging, I suppose, if I'm OK to use that word, that Wonderwall has slightly taken over from Three Lions. 14:26 And we've had a lot of people saying, no, au contraire, we're still Three Lions fans. 797, how did Frank react to hearing Three Lions pumping out of the Azteca Stadium? 14:37 Well, they always play it first. But to be honest, I think it's seen as a bit of a support act. Right. Everybody just can get warmed up and then they can do the grand finale of Wonderwall. 14:51 I saw something on X, which was David recording a video and it had your voice on it in the background. I saw that. It was when you were watching. I don't know if consent was involved here, but anyway. I didn't know. 15:02 Well, after Joel's, what does that matter on this podcast? 15:05 After Joel's bandwagon. So he'd put up a video on X and it's you in the background. You can just see the television, obviously the end. Yeah. And you can hear you saying, what are you doing? Oh. 15:17 And you hear David saying, I'm recording it because they're playing Three Lions. Oh, yeah. And then you said. 15:23 I didn't know he was going to post it. He did post it. Of course he did. 15:26 What was I thinking, that he wouldn't post it? 15:30 As Warren Beatty once said to Madonna, why would one do anything in life if you did not have an audience? 15:36 Oh, yes, that's true. Well, yeah, you know... 15:42 Obviously, it saddens me because I think it might actually come home this time. I'm actually starting to think. 15:48 Well, then they'll be playing it loads, Frank. You'll get your revenge. 15:51 But you know when you finally come home and your wife's in bed with another man? That's what it's going to be like with Wonderwall. 16:00 It's going to be ruined. I'll be back with a really big kit bag on my back, finally. I know I was missing Presumed Ed, but here I am. Oh, who's this Manchester guy? 16:12 Liam Gallagher staring back at you. 16:14 Yeah. 16:16 I don't know. I'm told that on today's PMQs, it's Wednesday when we record this, I got a text from my brother-in-law saying that they said it's coming home on PMQs. 16:25 Did they? 16:26 Yeah. It's not, Wonderwall's a great song. It's not that quotable because no one's got a fucking clue what it means. 16:37 Yeah, it's just, I mean, it feels to me like, you know, the Dadaarists would throw words into the air and wherever they landed, that was the poem. It feels a bit like that. 16:49 But it's a great song, you know, and I think people have truly grown to love it. 16:56 Oh, Frank, please. 16:58 That's what I'm saying. 16:59 Do you mean Three Lions or Wonderwall? No, he's talking about Wonderwall. I don't mean Wonderwall. Okay. 17:02 Three Lions is obviously a great song. 17:04 Yeah, and everyone does love it. Okay. 17:07 So, Frank, can I just find out, before we leave the subject of football, do you think we will... Are we going to beat Norway? 17:14 Well, Sandy, our producer, is half Norwegian. Yeah. 17:19 So she's been a bit shirty, apparently. LAUGHTER 17:25 She's been, she's had a real tood with us. 17:27 She brought it, she threw an omega supplement bottle and brought some fish in. 17:34 But I think we're going to win the World Cup, that's what I think. 17:38 Do you know where my heart went when he said that? 17:40 I really felt excited. That's why it's so, like I said, Three Lions has been there for 30 years. And then at the last middy, oh, it's like when Devon Locke fell over in the derby. 17:57 And then David reduced to recording it on the telly. Look, I can hear it in the background. I'm sure I can hear it. 18:03 Oh, no. 18:04 Come on, mate. 18:04 What if it's a fan round and me and Esra are sitting there going, three lines on a long, elaborate dressing gown. 18:13 Esra compared the meerkat dressing gown. 18:17 Oh, man. I see what it looked like. If you imagine Dracula at home, that's the dressing gown he would wear. 18:25 I'm seeing like a smoking jacket. 18:27 No, no, it's long. No, I'm saying black silk. Floor length. I think it was velvet. Floor length. Was it black? I'm picturing now a monogram, but I might have added that. 18:41 But yeah, it was a very elegant... 18:44 Sort of Dracula having a lazy Sunday. 18:48 Would you say? 18:48 I remember a kid saying that at school. There was a film called... 18:54 or Alucard. And he said, hey, hold on. That's Dracula. Yeah, everybody worked that out three weeks ago. 19:04 I am obsessed with Dracula's leisure wear. Because he can't always wear the suit. Do you know what I mean? The trouble is because he sleeps rough. 19:16 It's a lovely castle. Do you know what? 19:19 I could do worse. I'm just saying I've had worse. Yeah, but he sleeps in a castle, but he sleeps in a drawer, is what it looks like in the castle. 19:26 Come back to my place. Exactly. 19:29 Oh, sorry about the drawer. I mean, if he was around nowadays, I'm not saying he isn't, kids, he'd sleep in a filing cabinet like they do at the mortuary, I'm guessing. 19:40 Hmm. Hmm. 19:42 with his breakfast order tied on a tag to his big toe. 19:47 So the servant does enough to open the drawer all the way. Just, you know, muesli. 19:54 Black tea, got it. 19:55 I like that Ezra had a silk dressing gown, though, because he used... 19:59 I'm thinking it's velvet. 20:00 Oh, is it velvet? 20:02 OK. I mean, you know, it was... 20:06 It was in the middle of the night. 20:08 It's a real departure from David. I cannot see Dee Baddiel in a velvet dressing gown. 20:13 The thing with me, he used to wear a dressing gown a lot at home that was too short. 20:19 Oh, it was. Oh, do you know that's my worst thing? Men in two short dressing gowns. Two little legs. 20:24 It's virtually a kimono. 20:27 Little Jack Grealish hairy legs popping out. 20:29 Well, yeah, I saw his little Jack Grealish many a time and a half. 20:34 Oh, God, Frank. 20:36 He's even had the curtains. 20:38 Really? Well, you know. 20:41 No, I don't know. And I'd like to leave it that way. 20:44 Yeah. Well, I don't know if I'd leave it that way. I think I'd spruce it up a little. 20:49 Oh, God, no. 20:52 Anyway, that was the... It was brilliant, though. It was really brilliant. Yeah. 20:59 I wish we had more middle-of-the-night... 21:02 In the middle of the night. Well, it's 10 o'clock on Sunday. 21:06 I've gone walking to Dave Bees. 21:08 And as he's in his dressing gown, I can't even see his knees. 21:15 Okay. 21:17 But will you be watching it at 10 o'clock on Saturday round David's? 21:20 Well, I'm at a festival. So I'm either going to watch it on an enormous screen with a lot of people in skull rings. 21:33 Download's gone. 21:34 Pardon? Download's passed. 21:36 Now this is, the one I'm going to is very... Oh, he goes to upscale ones. 21:40 Well, I've had, I might be watching it with David Baddiel, weirdly. Oh. Simply because Jonathan Ross has extended an invitation. 21:47 That's lovely. 21:48 And apparently he invited David. 21:51 I feel if I went to Jonathan's to watch it, I'd have to watch it ironically. I know what you mean. And I can't do that. 21:56 No. No. I've given him a rule, no being horrible about England, but I don't know if he'll stick to it. We'll see. 22:02 I don't think he's horrible so much, but I don't want a sort of postmodern sob commentary when I'm watching a big, important England game. God bless him. I love Jonathan, as you know. Yes, I know. But he doesn't really love football. 22:15 You've got to watch the train set going round while you're watching the games. They have toys and train sets. Has he got a train set? 22:21 I've never seen that. 22:22 I don't know. I feel like... 22:23 I like to know he's imagined with a train set. 22:26 I think it's because I saw a Channel 5, The Top 100 Toys, and Jonathan Ross was presenting it. And I feel like, and you know him better than I do. 22:35 I do know him quite well. 22:36 He had a collection of... 22:38 He's got a lot of toys. No, he's got a lot of toys. I think you might be confusing him with Rod Stewart. It's happened before. 22:46 The toys he's got are more action figures from 1970s Japanese fantasy animation. 22:52 In very old dirty boxes that make me feel sick. Oh, God. It's those kind of things. Frank likes them. 22:58 There's nothing wrong with old dirty boxes, as Dracula was saying to me just the other day. 23:05 I said, can you pull your dressing gown across a little bit? 23:10 Oh, you don't think he has that. Does Dracula... Frank, does Dracula wear pants? 23:15 I'm sure he must have. 23:17 What pants would he wear, though? 23:18 It's hard to imagine. 23:20 It's very undignified. He's not going to wear white fronts, is he? Not a silky boxer. What pants would Dracula wear? 23:26 I think he's got a white... If anyone knows. I think he's got a red heart on the front. So when he gets his penis out, it looks like a stake going through his heart. 23:35 Frank, why do you have to say that? 23:38 LAUGHTER 23:41 Oh, I'm sorry we've talked about Dracula's appendage. I'm sticking with appendage. 23:48 Anyway, what about Woman's World? What's your week been right, Ruth Hosko? 23:54 Well, yesterday I experienced my first scam. I was scammed. What happened? 24:00 MRI? 24:02 Was it MRI? 24:04 Scam with an M. Oh, okay. So I wanted to buy a Dyson Airwrap. Now, this is in women's world. You know yourself. I love an Airwrap. 24:12 What is an Airwrap? So Mr. Dyson created... Is it like a fan but with chicken in it? 24:19 No, Frank. 24:20 Okay. 24:21 Just listen. 24:21 It's kind of because I've got a Dyson thing. 24:23 You won't need this, trust me. 24:25 No, but Kath might have one. No, Kath wouldn't have one. No, okay. So it's a hair styling tool that Mr. Dyson created for the ladies or men. It's the ultimate hairstyling tool. 24:37 Or anyone else that wants to hear people without left hand. 24:39 Yeah, exactly. If you've got left hand, right hand, it's interchangeable. So I wanted a new one of those. I'd had quite an old one that I'd sold. And they're not cheap, we should say. This is the thing. They're not cheap. So you're looking at upwards of £300 for the newest one. 24:54 Okay. 24:54 But it's phenomenal, Frank. Oh, my God. Life-changing. And I was just going to go and buy a new one, but then I thought I could save myself a bit of money and also be sustainable. There's plenty on Facebook Marketplace or Gumtree, second-hand ones that you could get. So I went on Gumtree. 25:11 I'm putting the be sustainable motive in brackets. I do. Yeah, that's not very convincing. 25:19 Basically, that means he doesn't believe you at all. 25:21 Oh, but I don't want to put loads of electrical landfill into the world. 25:25 Okay, but would you rather save money? 25:28 But I'd rather have a brand new one, yeah. But, you know. So, look, Frank, what happened? And after the story, I wish I'd just done that. 25:35 Go on, speedy it out. 25:37 Okay, so I saw on Gumtree that there was an air wrap for half the price of what, you know, the cheapest one would be. So I was like, okay, I'll get that. And it was all a bit of blurb saying, oh, it was bought for my sister and she doesn't use it anymore. And so I went to Walthamstow to get it. Oh, he's 17. At Brian Harveywise. And I got off at the tube station and there were two young men there, one of them with a duffel bag. And I thought, oh, no. It's not even a lady. 26:07 I don't trust that. I'm going to get jumped here because they wanted cash for it, right? And I said, and Mama didn't raise no fool. I thought I'll do a bank transfer. Once the cash is gone. Once it's been handed over. Once I've checked it thoroughly. So I went over to them. What do they look like, Ruth? 26:27 It's like a bloody hostage exchange. 26:31 When I saw the duffel bag, I thought... what's going to be in there did they have liege sportswear on sportswear okay i'm getting the idea sort of they both look like they've been using the air wrap because they had a long black wavy hair okay fine really like they had long black wavy hair like jackie stallone was it mega death we're selling it That isn't what I imagined at all. 26:59 They looked very groomed. 27:04 They get it out of the bag and I open the box and look at it. How does it look? Great. Perfect. Amazing. In fact, almost too good to be true. And as I'm looking at it, a random bloke comes over and goes, can you get me some air clippers? I need air clippers. And I thought, oh no, this is an operation. Do you know what I mean? 27:22 Hair clippers. Hair clippers. 27:25 She's from Birmingham, the same as you, or Black Country. Sorry, I should have said hair clippers. 27:30 Now we're on to, like, strange-sounding gadgetry. 27:35 Yeah, but if you two can't understand each other, what hope is there for me? Do you know what? Because air wrap. 27:39 Yeah, exactly. I got hair clippers. Fair enough. 27:42 So hang on, this bloke came over to the two Megadeth fans in the black hair and he was asking them for hair products. 27:50 Can you get me some hair clippers? Like a spice, Frank. Well, it makes me think that this wasn't his sister's hair wrap, if you know what I mean. 27:56 No, exactly. 27:57 But me as the naive, right? 27:59 I didn't know that there were like hair-based thieves. 28:05 Stick around. I think they're so specialised. 28:09 What are you dealing now? Coke? Dyson Air? 28:12 This is Dave. Dave's new to the gang. He just does combs. 28:17 And Ollie does serum only. Yeah, exactly. 28:21 So I thought, oh, anyway, I looked over and I thought, right, okay, this is not right. But I thought, you know, it looks good, looks perfect. 28:29 And I said, can I do a bank transfer? Yeah, fine, did that. Took it home. So about 1.50 we're talking. Yeah, took it home. Had a look at it all. 28:38 It was an air fryer. 28:40 magic beans oh no i can't believe that happened i was like right i need to this is too good i need to make sure it works yeah got the serial number typed it into the dyson website they were like oh this is a corn cob this isn't what does a corn cob mean no i'm joking they're like i thought this was a fraud police language for something No. Oh, I see. They were like, oh, this isn't anything we recognise at all. 29:11 So I was like, oh, no. 29:12 What does that mean? 29:13 They made it. 29:14 No, they didn't, Frank. It's a fake. That's what I'm assuming. 29:18 So does it work, though? It works, but the problem is with counterfeit ones. They haven't gone through the same rigorous testing. So there's things on ready. You're going to die this week. Yeah, it'll take your face off. You know, if you start using it. 29:28 Oh, it's like a chimpanzee. 29:29 So I messaged, I got his number, and I messaged him three times and was like, because I'm a naive, I went, oh, God, you probably haven't realised, but the thing you've just sold me, it's a counterfeit. I said, what, the gift that was given to your sister is fake? Did you know that? I said, if you've got a legitimate one you can give me, I can meet him and exchange it. And then he didn't reply, and I thought, oh, Mama did raise a fool here. 29:51 She raised a liability. But how would he have a legitimate one if he'd got one from his sister? 29:57 Well, at this point, I thought, when the bloke coming up for the air clippers come up, I thought, you've got a stash of air wrap somewhere. 30:05 Something's going on. So three missed messages, three messages on Gumtree, not replied. So I've had to go through my bank and they've had to pay me back, but they can only pay me back £80. They can't pay me back anymore. 30:17 I've just seen, Ruth, I'm sorry, a brief AI overview of this. Counterfeit Dyson Airwraps are very widespread online, often sold at heavily discounted prices. Look at me like I'm at the desk at Crime Watch UK. 30:30 You're like Watchdog. 30:32 Yeah, Watchdog. I'm the woman with the blonde bob. 30:34 So that was my first experience. And I should have just, you know, gone to Argos, got a brand new one. 30:41 Yeah, but you could say if Dyson wanted to really help people, he'd cut the prices and then we wouldn't need to go to these villains. 30:51 What he could do is send a brand new one as a courtesy to Spiritland so I could pick it up after I've been kind. 30:57 It'd be stolen here then. It'd be even more crime. 31:00 Well, Dyson, he's the one who fled the UK, wasn't he? Did he? Yeah, because he voted leave. And then he did. And then he did. OK. Yeah, because he voted leave and then he was like, oh, I actually don't like the way this is impacting my business. 31:13 I like that he fled the UK in a special Dyson glider that they played. 31:21 It was completely silent. 31:23 And with the beer you're sitting on, it looks like there's nothing there at all. It looks like you're just sitting in a plastic oval. But in fact, the air currents hold you aloft. 31:34 Oh, nice. There you go. There you go. So be careful out there, guys. Don't be fooled like I was. 31:41 Don't feel bad about it. You're not the first. 31:45 He moved to Singapore. 31:46 Did he? Oh, that'll be so he can listen to BBC World, which is only truly loved in Singapore. No one else in the world's interested in it. 31:59 He likes raffles too much, that's why. 32:01 I imagine the expats of Singapore are lovely people. Yeah, exactly. 32:07 Really nice, trustworthy, lovely individuals with nothing to hide. 32:11 I'm sure there'll be some nice ones. I'm sure there will. Can I say, we like expats, but just, you know. I don't like them that much. 32:18 Frank, don't say that. We have a lot of expats actually listening to this show. 32:22 I love expats. 32:23 Yeah. 32:24 Yeah. 32:26 Are expats pretty pleased to live in Ireland? 32:30 Oh, frankly, really? 32:33 Come on. 32:34 Oh, anyway. 32:36 Well, I'm sad to hear that. 32:39 You know what, though? What are you going to do with it now? 32:42 You can't use it. You'll die. I can't do anything with it. Yeah, I'll just use it as a footstool, I suppose. And I was thinking about it yesterday. Oh, that's like a bad thing that's happened. But God's going to smite them. And that will be redemption for me. When the rapture comes, they'll be the first to go. Yeah. 32:58 Yeah, that's a bit. I mean, they might have already asked for forgiveness. 33:03 Too late now. 33:05 Well, you know. I don't like to, you know, judge ye not. 33:12 Well, I'm so sorry. 33:14 Or in this instance, judge ye not. 33:18 I get it. I like it. I love it. Hey, do you spell George? I've always wanted to... When I want to write it... This was a question often asked when I worked at Instal Magazine. No, I bet it was. I was shouted down to the subs many a day, how do you actually spell George? I don't know. I know. We... 33:36 There was no common consensus over this. 33:39 Some people would go for Z-H-U-H. I never felt satisfied with that. I thought there should be a J in there. 100% should be a J. Don't you think? 33:47 Somewhere. 33:48 But the sub-editors can be a cautious breed. 33:50 But I like the idea of words that can only exist in an audio world and can't be written down. If only this podcast was like that without the stupid visual clips. 34:02 Frank, you've got to say stupid visual clips. People love the clips. I know, they like the clips, Frank. He doesn't like it because he thinks you either do TV or you do audio. 34:12 I don't think, you know, the days when my face was tolerable. 34:19 It's still tolerable. People don't want to see a face. Not young people who don't want to see this. 34:23 I didn't see people wanting to say it. 34:25 I said it's still tolerable. People don't want their noses robbed in mortality. LAUGHTER In my experience. 34:31 Do you think that's why older people struggle? You know, famously, it's like older people say they struggle to get work on TV and things like that. Do you think that's honestly what it is? 34:39 You say famously, but I find you struggle much less famously. 34:44 But do you know what I mean? Do you honestly think that's the reason why? 34:46 It might be, but I don't want to get it. 34:49 You don't want to say it. 34:50 When we got kicked off the radio, loads of journalists tried to get me to say it was ages. 34:54 And you didn't. 34:56 And I said, what do you mean? 34:57 We just said we've been... 34:59 I don't understand. That's Emily's only... 35:04 Exactly. I was like, how dare you say? Because I'm too old. 35:10 Bloody sauce. 35:12 I know, that's the thing, is that even if it does exist, you should never say it's because of that. It's a bit like blaming the altitude. It's exactly like the altitude in Azteca. We don't want to hide behind that. 35:22 No, exactly. 35:24 Frank, would you like to hear... 35:26 I think we should go and save it. Oh, do you? I think our time is up. 35:32 Well, is age isn't that bad in TV now and radio? 35:35 It's affecting podcasts. Truth is, I need a wee. LAUGHTER In fact, there's one half price on eBay. 35:49 Oh, my God. 35:51 Too soon. 35:54 It's the Frank Skinner podcast. 35:58 A new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. 36:06 I'm not totally sure how it's going. 36:10 Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast